Lost Desire

Looking deeply

Into the mirror

I see this person

I never meant to be.

 

This person

Who swims

In mediocrity.

 

Where have

My dreams

Gone to?

 

Where is my

Desire to strive

And thrive?

 

When I barely

Want

To live…

 

Copyright 2012 by Tabatha Seven

Afflictions

Forgive me if I can’t function

Today.

I have afflictions of the soul

That no one can see.

 

Thoughts that keep

Pestering me…

Pictures in my mind

That I never wanted to see.

 

Nothing’s getting done

Today.

I don’t feel like being

Brave.

 

I want to lie down

& cry,

Let the tears

Race out of my eyes.

And to tell the truth,

I don’t even

Know why!

 

Copyright 2012 by Tabatha Seven

Going Through the Motions

I want to be an inspiration,

To change the world

Somehow…

 

But I can’t even inspire

Myself

To get out of bed

In the morning.

 

I keep resetting

The alarm on my phone

& sometimes

I get up too late.

 

I go through the motions

Of work, school, home life…

But I have no time to excel.

 

Just time to barely do

What needs to be done.

 

Who’s the idiot

Who invented time…

 

And why did they make it

So scarce…

 

Copyright 2012 By Tabatha Seven

Forgotten Dreams

I don’t remember

My dreams

Anymore.

 

All the colours,

The passion,

The anticipation…

… are gone.

 

Kind of like my life.

 

I daydream

Of a better tomorrow…

Less Tylenol

To rid myself of headaches…

 

Less sleeping

To rid myself of stress,

Less putting the blankets

Over my eyes

In the middle of the day…

 

Waiting for night to arrive

So I can have some freakin peace…

Time for myself.

 

Copyright 2012 By Tabatha Seven

 

 

Can't Get Out

Am I happy.

I don’t know.

 

But I’m definitely

Too old

To start over again.

 

Set in my ways,

Bored with my life…

This isn’t what

I had in mind.

 

And yet

I can’t get out.

 

Copyright 2012 by Tabatha Seven

9/14/12

2:40 a.m.

Utopia

Sometimes

I think

There’s no place for me

In this world.

 

Changes are happening

So sloooowly.

 

I want to make this

A better place

But I can’t do this alone.

 

I dream of a world

Where I can marry

Any person or persons

I choose…

 

A world with

No jealousy.

 

A place where all people,

All families

Are safe.

 

And everyone

Has three

Square meals a day.

 

A place

Where poverty

Doesn’t exist…

 

Where once-greedy farmers

Decide to donate food

Instead of throwing it all

Away.

 

Copyright 2012 by Tabatha Seven

11:22 p.m.

9/13/12

My Trust in You

Thank you

For allowing

Me to trust in you…

 

And for never

Betraying

My trust.

 

I feel close to you

Like I have

With no one

In so long…

 

This is so wrong,

So wrong,

So wrong.

 

Copyright 2012 By Tabatha Seven

10:46 p.m.

9/13/2012

Zero

There’s nothing left

Of me.

Only what I stand for,

No joy or purpose…

 

I used to have hope…

Hope for better days.

A better job, a better tomorrow…

Hope of a family

& a dream.

 

Now I have nothing

That means anything.

A few music CDs,

A few books I haven’t

Made the time to read.

 

Suicidal dreams…

Hopes for no tomorrow…

Trapped in a here & now

I can’t leave “or else.”

 

Damned if I stay here,

Damned if I go.

 

Do I even

Believe

In hell.

 

Does anybody care.

 

Copyright 2012 by Tabatha Seven

9/12/12

11:41 a.m.

Living in the Past

I miss the sapphire lakes

In Minnesota…

Walking around them

& watching

 

Others on bikes

& rollerskates,

Back in the day,

Back in the day…

 

I miss the block parties

& homemade pie

That people made you

When you moved in…

 

Now everything

Is so computerized…

People don’t talk

Or laugh out loud anymore…

 

No more nature.

Just cutting down the trees

We used to hang tires from

& swing our worries away…

 

Copyright 2012 by Tabatha Seven

9/12/12

11:33 a.m.

Promised Lie

I have dreams

Of a wonderful world…

Where people cannot

Trap others

Into doing whatever

They want them to do…

 

Love slaves forced

Into relationships

They didn’t know

They were getting into.

 

A place where

Choices are

For everyone…

 

And pursuit of happiness

Is a reality…

Not just a promised lie.

 

Copyright 2012 by Tabatha Seven

9/12/12

10:23 a.m.

No Escape

These days

I am cooped up

Like an egg-laying hen…

 

Expected to produce.

To work, to bring joy

To others while

I they bring none back to me.

 

The little joy

I have

Is controlled…

Only a little at a time.

 

God forbid I’d be happy…

God forbid I’d have any

Freaking joy in my life.

 

Why do I let them

Do this to me?

For one reason

& one reason only:

 

I

Can’t

Get

Out!!!

 

Copyright 2012 by Tabatha Seven

September 12, 2012

10:17 a.m.

Disbelief

Alone in my thoughts,

I stay up late at night…

Visiting a world

I’m afraid of.

 

Too shy to talk

To them with my

Quivering voice,

I post stuff

 

To make them

Laugh, cry,

Or scream…

Or just to inspire them

& dare them to dream.

 

An escape from a world

I’d rather not be in…

Some say I’m selfish,

But I don’t believe it.

 

Just unhappy with the way

Things turned out.

Unable to change them,

Trying to avoid the ultimate

Way out.

 

Yet I think too much

& scream in my dreams.

 

I’ve too much apathy

For those who love me

& love the ones

I cannot have…

 

I cannot

Believe

This is what

I waited for

All my life.

 

Copyright 2012 By Tabatha Seven

9-11-12

11:05 p.m.