Failure

I look around me

& everything I see

Is a direct result

Of my own failure.

 

Poverty

And piles of papers…

Wishful thoughts

Of a better job,

And a better man,

For that matter!

 

The fact that I

Agreed to have children…

 

“I might as well,”

I thought,

“My job prospects aren’t getting any better.”

 

If I had been an executive

Somewhere,

I may have never had kids.

 

But since I cannot

Do any better,

I might as well

Just pop them out.

 

My life sucks in so many ways…

 

And my emotions sometimes

Get the better of me.

 

Copyright 2012 By Tabatha Seven

Losing my grip

Slowly going crazy…

All the screaming in my head.

Turmoil I must deal with;

Thoughts are too unkind.

 

I cannot escape this

Feeling of being alone.

My family tries

To be here for me…

 

But all I can do is sleep.

Sleep from too much working,

Sleep from too much school.

I’m losing my grip

 

On reality…

Afraid to leave the house.

I bundle up in blankets

And a robe underneath…

 

Too weak to see my friends,

Too tired to stay awake.

I’m missing out on life

But am too depressed to care.

 

copyright 2012 by Tabatha Seven

Selfish

Is it wrong

That I’m happiest

When the family’s asleep

& I’m awake…

 

On the computer,

Chatting with friends

In the middle of the night…

 

Is it selfish

Of me…

 

© by Tabatha Seven

Undecided Death

For many years,

I have wanted to die…

But the prospect of pain

Brings fears & tears to my eyes.

 

I cannot be

What I want to be…

Don’t have the strength

Or will anymore.

 

I can do little more

Than sleep all the time…

 

And scream at the one

Who says he loves me.

 

I want to jump

Off a thousand-foot bridge

But the pain would be too much ~

And I might survive.

 

I could take some bottles

Of pills…

But with my luck,

Someone would find me

& take me to

The psychiatric ward.

 

I have so little

Desire to live…

 

But not enough energy

To leave

This world.

 

Copyright 2012 by Tabatha Seven